What’s in a name?
Unfortunately a clue to the continued militarization of our society (mixed with a healthy dose of unrealistically high expectations).
Since 1880, the Social Security Administration has released the most popular baby names for each year.
Jacob is the top boy’s name for the 14th year in a row.
Guess which three are the fastest-growing names for boys?
(Clue: Look at the title of this post)
Yep. They are King, Messiah and Major.
Perhaps I shouldn’t be bothered by this.
I’m sure you’ve heard of Ima Hogg, daughter of a Texas businessman. She actually lived a rather remarkable life. But can you imagine? (By the way, it is a myth that she had a sister named Ura).
Believe it or not, there are worse monikers. According to US Census data, the following are actual names given to children living in the United States.
Uranus Stukey
Acne Fountain
Mary A. Jerk
Ima Whore
Hugh Jass
Fanny Whiffer
Envy Burger
Good Hell
Emma Royd
Noble Butt
Naught E. Bishop
Hmm. What were these parents thinking?!
But it seems that modernity has not brought greater enlightenment to the parents of today. Sure we want our kids to do well, but talk about high expectations.
“My kid is an Honor Student at such and such school.”
“So what. My kid is King.”
Or Messiah.
And let’s not forget about Major.
Acting Social Security Commissioner Carolyn W. Colvin says, “I have no doubt Major’s rising popularity as a boy’s name is in tribute to the brave members of the U.S. military, and maybe we’ll see more boys named General in the future.”
Yippee.
“My son is a Major.”
“So what. Mine is a Major Major.”
Or General General.
I can’t wait.
So in the hopes that this ridiculous trend can be nipped in the bud, I offer the following names that mean peace. (Though if your last name is Soap, I would not name your child Dove – Think, People!).
Aaru
Absalom
Amani
Axel
Baris
Calum
Casimir
Colm
Columba
Concordia
Dove
Eir
Farica
Frederica
Frederick
Frieda
Geoffrey
Godfrey
Humphrey
Inga
Irene
Irini
Jemima
Jonah
Kazuko
Kynaston
Mal
Manfred
Milo
Olive
Oliver
Olivia
Paciano
Pacifica
Paloma
Pax
Paxton
Paz
Placida
Placido
Salama
Salamon
Salem
Salima
Salome
Serena
Serenity
Shalom
Shanta
Sheehan
Shiloh
Shlomo
Shulamit
Siegfried
Solomon
Tullia
Wilfred
Winifred
Zalman
Zuelia
Zulema
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Posted in Essays
Tags: baby names, children, culture, essay, Ima Hogg, mama don't let your babies, Messiah, military, parenting, peace, Social Security Administration, society, thoughts, war